Yes, this post really is about hookers and driving lessons.
See, my son J Junior turned 17 yesterday. Had his first go behind the wheel. And my bro sent him a cheque to pay for some of his lessons.
And, like a responsible uncle, he added a note:
“If you’d rather, go out and spend it all on high class hookers. Or both – find a hooker who’ll teach you to drive – double whammy!”
Got me thinking…
The Hookers’ School of Motoring is a great business idea.
Yes it is! Think. They can sell two services to one (very eager) audience. So double their revenue without scaling up marketing cost. Plus, every one of their horny teen learners knows hundreds of other horny teen learners…referrals would go through the roof!
Ergo, hookers should train as driving instructors. It makes sense.
(For the record, I’m not sure it works the other way round. I can’t see my old instructor in fishnets, turning tricks for a fiver…)
Anyway. Would this work? I can only see two hazards:
ONE – the phrase “Let me take you for a ride” could cause a ruck with Advertising Standards.
TWO – no-one would want to touch the gear stick. (Ew..)
But that aside? Yeah, why not? It ticks all the boxes.
***No I don’t mean it. Before you tut and moan, it’s not a real suggestion.***
I only mention it because the logic behind it is sound: double up your services to more than double your profits.
It’s scary that most small bizes only sell one product or service per customer. And I’ll bet you a tatty old pair of Y-Fronts, you’re doing the same. Yeah?
Look, you’ve done the hard bit. Convinced them to buy from you once. So now they love ‘n’ trust you, go for broke. Sell ’em more stuff, more often. So revenue goes up while cost stays low. Why don’tcha?
If there’s no obvious upsell / cross-sell, think what else they need. Sure, you’ll have to keep it congruent, so you don’t come across as a flea market. But if it comes to it, you can always set up a second business.
Or just buddy up with someone who’ll pay you for leads.
If in doubt, remember the enterprising hookers. They might be fictional, but if they can do it, what’s stopping you? Nuffin.
So – quit leaving cash in the customer’s pocket, when it could be in yours. Unless their lives are perfect, they’ll pay you for something else.
That is, if you’ll let them…