Joy of joys. I’m bouncing with excitement today. Because someone…I think it’s him next door…just walked off with my garden hose! (Okay, I don’t know it’s him, but…well, he looks the sort, doesn’t he?) But anyway – it’s good news. Great news. Because now I can buy that new one I saw on telly last […]
Hoorah! Someone nicked the hosepipe… Read More »
Want some terrible advice? I mean, gut-wrenching stuff that’ll cost you sales? Okay – go hang out in copy forums. Caveat first: there are some good forums out there. Great ones too, if you know where to look. But most are full of cretins taking advice from semi-cretins…because in the world of the blind, the
Beware Numpties Bearing Brackets Read More »
If you had to make a serious ton of money this year… (And you had no conscience…) So you’d stoop to literally anything, no matter how depraved… What would you do? Me? I wouldn’t get into drugs or human trafficking. No point. There’s an easier, totally legal way: Become a Tone of Voice Consultant. Kerching!
Make a Ton of Cash with The Innocent Virgin Scam Read More »
My filling cracked yesterday. Years of gummy bears took their toll, and I was whisked off to the dentist’s chair – for 40 minutes of nerve-scraping, jaw-thwacking agony that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Except Michael Gove. And as I sat there, squirming….and thinking “Why bother? I’ll be dead in 50 years anyway”…who should pop
Copy Tip from the Nazi Dentist Read More »
Remember your journey to your desk this morning? Whether you took 3 steps across the landing like me, or spent an hour crawling through traffic…do you recall that vital moment, when you turned into someone else? When you morphed, Kafka-style, into a whole different being? No? Oh. I see. Well, maybe you didn’t change at
When did you feel “The Change”? Read More »
I love that headline. And I’ve just sent an email out to my list, using it as a subject. Truth be told, I’ve been wanting to test it for ages. Not because it’s a great story (more on that in a moment). No, I wanted to use it because, I figured my readers would open
Why I asked my boss for a colostomy bag Read More »
Have you seen the Halloween stuff in the shops?? Sheesh! We’re talking pumpkin heads, scream masks, severed hands, the lot…some of them near Hollywood standard. And going for a tenner! Bit of a culture shock, that, for someone like me who rarely leaves the house. I mean, I grew up in the 70s. Back then,
Torches ready? Go chase the monster… Read More »
I feel I know you well enough now, to share this… A few years back, I messed up a sale – the second I opened my mouth. And I want you to learn from it. See, I was asked in to consult with an engineering firm. And as I sat in the boardroom with their
Hang on…where is the dancing bear? Read More »
I hate hype. There, I’ve said it. I hate aggressive, in-yer-face type copy that exaggerates to the nth degree. And says “Buy it or you’re a worthless tosser”. Exponents call it “killer copy”. And they stuff it with OTT pants, like “kick-ass”…”ninja”…”turbo-boost”…”skyrocket”…and the all-time classic “on steroids”. As in: “Follow my killer ‘Cash Flood Ninja’
Why no-one’s ever offered you “a turbo hedge fund on steroids” Read More »
Call me a sad old git, but yes, I keep a file of old ads, sales letters and other copywriting samples that might come in handy one day. This week I stumbled across my all-time favourite, and – even though it’s small and grainy – it’s high time I shared it with you. (No lawsuits
Is this the worst advert ever?? Read More »