My Secret Vampire Heritage

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I’ve never done my family tree – but I’ve got a hunch, I’m part vampire.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t go out biting innocent virgins. (I live in the South Wales valleys – they’re pretty scarce in these parts). But I do have good reason for thinking Dracula was my granddad.

First off, I bear an uncanny resemblance to The Count off ‘Sesame Street’. Growing up, I couldn’t walk down the road without someone counting to three and cackling.

And second, I hiss and hide away at the first glimmer of sunlight.

True. This time of year, I have to lock myself indoors and only go out at night. Reason being, I’m allergic to UVB. I had a dire reaction to the sun 18 years ago in Jamaica, and since then multiple docs have warned me: beware the light.

In this week’s heat, I have to wear a big floppy hat just to answer the door. (It looks ridiculous, by the way. So don’t come round here till September…)

Anyway – so what?

Well, I guess we all have our own private Kryptonite. For a vampire like me, it’s the sun. For my diabetic friend, it’s sugar. For Diane Abbot, it’s the hard sums on page 1 of a pre-school maths book. We’ve all got something.

So what is it for you? What’s the almighty thing you can’t handle?

Doesn’t have to be a physical thing. It could be something wedged there in your head that’s holding you back. Like you’re hooked on a problem and it feels there’s no answer to be found.

If so, I might be able to help.

A few times a year, I auction my brain off – one cell at a time. So you can buy a brain cell and find a way through any copy or marketing challenge – or something deeper inside your business.

After years of consulting, and a past life in corporate, I’ve been known to fix all sorts. And if it’s beyond my humble Welsh brain, no matter. I’ll know someone who can give you the answer, whatever’s going on.

All you gotta do is email and yell out BUY A BRAIN CELL. Outline the problem, and we’ll go from there.

Okay, deal?


Just don’t ask me to visit your office, unless it’s the dead of night.

Oh yeah, and lock up your wooden stakes. You can’t be too careful, can you?

UK Copywriter James Daniel

James Daniel

You might not know who I am, but no doubt you've read my copy. If you've ever bought a hearing aid, a pizza oven, flat roof or vacuum cleaner. If you've hired a will writer, an IT guy or accountant. If you've been to events on marketing, acting or how to buy a business. There's every chance it started with a bit of my copy - a few simple, chatty, gently persuasive words. Ring any bells?

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